with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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