My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
