seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
