Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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