our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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