Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
