I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hippo gnu deer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
