If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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