So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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