Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
