I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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