evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
