the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
