Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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