Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
