I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
