yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
