I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
