i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
