OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
