Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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