I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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