What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
