So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
