I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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