Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
