Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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