I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
