I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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