So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i love accidental penises.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
