About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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