Who wears a wallet chain?!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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