I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
