pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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