I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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