we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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