kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
