My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
