He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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