I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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