how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He has the fingertips of a God
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