I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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