Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
