my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
false alarm. still invincible.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
