PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A bitchslap is in order.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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