i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
vagina is talking i cant
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
