chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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