also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
