i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
