sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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